CR16 thoroughly broken artifact of a bygone edition
Tired of throwing the party up against weak, lifeless undead? Feel like you wasted ten levels taking the Doomguide prestige-class, only to find one undead that’s even a decent challenge by that level? Try Vaelen’s Fiendish SuperZombie™ - your newest rotting friend!
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The following game statistics are inspired by this Penny Arcade strip.
DEEP CROW
This vile feathered creature appears at first a massive, corrupted crow. A disgusting multitude of eyes are mounted above a powerful antlike beak, and four lethal talons ready themselves before a heavy, swinging tail.
This terrifying creature is responsible for night raids on farms that are often mistakenly blamed on dragons or common cattle thieves. Swooping down out of the darkness on massive wings, the powerful bird simply lifts off with livestock in its talons. Its roost is frequently littered with the smashed skeletons of former meals, with recognisable skulls evidencing that the terrible creature has no compunctions about eating human flesh. Growing ever larger with age, truly ancient deep crows are fearsome creatures indeed.
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CR1 magical beast
I once asked my DM if my summoner character could find or summon a Chocobo from Final Fantasy, to which he agreed on the condition that I could come up with stats for one. The following is my own take on the Chocobo as a creature in Dungeons & Dragons 3rd edition. Wark!
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Tempers flared when Dungeons & Dragons players started to fear that their two favourite magazines had been replaced by some kind of brain in a jar website. It turns out that’s not quite the case, but I figured that if enough players have an axe to grind with Gleemax, that they might as well do it accompanied by a mage, thief and cleric.
I’m told it’s some kind of Magic: The Gathering in-joke.
Gleemax, CR20
Advanced brain in a jar psion20 (telepath)
NE Tiny undead
Libris Mortis 90
Init +3; Senses blindsight 60ft., darkvision 60ft; Listen +14, Spot +14
Telepathy 100ft, language-dependant
AC 14, touch 14, flat-footed 11
hp 311 (29HD; turn resistance +8)
Immune undead traits
Fort +9, Ref +12, Will +20
Spd fly 30ft (good)
Space 1ft.; Reach –
Psionic powers known (CL 20th, 403pp/day);
9th–affinity field, assimilate, psionic etherealness, microcosm, psychic chirurgery, reality revision
8th–mind seed, recall death, true metabolism
7th–crisis of life, decerebrate, insanity
6th–mind switch, mass cloud mind, psionic disintegrate
5th–mind probe, leech field, psychic crush, psionic true seeing
4th–mind wipe, psionic dominate, psionic modify memory, telekinetic maneuver
3rd–dispel psionics, false sensory input, psionic blast, time hop
2nd–ego whip, brain lock, read thoughts, psionic suggestion
1st–conceal thoughts, distract, inertial armor, mind thrust, psionic charm
Special Atk mind thrust, psionics, rebuke undead
Abilities Str —, Dex 16, Con —, Int 20, Wis 10, Cha 25
SQ Madness, +8 turn resistance
Feats Ability Focus (mind thrust), Alertness, Delay Power, Dodge, Force of Will, Greater Power Penetration, Improved Turn Resistance, Iron Will, Overchannel, Power Penetration, Psionic Dodge, Quicken Power, Skill Focus (Bluff), Skill Focus (Diplomacy)
Skills Concentration +20, Bluff +42, Diplomacy +42, Knowledge (history) +37, Knowledge (psionics) +37, Knowledge (religion) +37, Listen +14, Profession (game designer) +12, Psicraft +25, Spot +14
Mind Thrust (Su): As a standard action, Gleemax can deliver an assault on the mental pathways of one creature, dealing 2d10 points of damage to any creature which fails a DC 20 Will save.
Madness (Su): Anyone targetting Gleemax with thought detection, mind control or any sort of telepathic or psionic ability that makes direct contact with its tortured mind takes 1d4 points of Wisdom damage.
Psionics (Sp): 3/day–suggestion (DC20), telekinesis (DC22); 1/day–dominate person (DC20). Manifester level 20th.
Rebuke Undead (Su): Gleemax can rebuke or command undead as a level 9 cleric.
Unholy Toughness, aka Dragotha Rule (Ex): Gleemax gains a bonus to its hit points equal to its Charisma modifier x its Hit Dice, just because.
The following game statistics are inspired by this Penny Arcade strip.
STALAGMAN
This short, stocky creature resembles an angry, humanoid stalagmite. Furrowed eyes rest above a massive, jagged maw as its short arms clutch a crude stone spear.
Stalagmen are tenacious, vicious creatures. Stalagmen subsist chiefly on rock, with a special taste for rare ores. They inevitably come into conflict with any nearby underground societies such as dwarves, who compete with the stalagmen’s voracious appetite for metals and precious stones. Stone-destroying oozes are the stalagman’s natural enemy, although more resourceful tribes are known to cultivate gelatinous cubes as door guards.
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evil humanoid race
Selfish and malicious, the Cairn are an obscure white-skinned subterranean race with a penchant for the undead. Devout worshippers of The Lich God of Secrets, their leaders are exclusively clerics and are usually followed without question by those who dare not risk becoming their leader’s next undead slave.
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CR18 paragon animal
I watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail again and was inspired to write up this monster. The Holy Grail is a comedy film, however, so this creature probably shouldn’t be taken seriously. The Paragon template is from the Epic Level Handbook.
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